Halloween is coming. Then winter and the holidays… During the cold season is when I feel the loneliest, but then again… if I think of the Spring and Summer I had, those weren’t pink either 😂.

… how I wish to do things with people, to have people close to me that understand me and love me, that I can share all of the things I like doing and do things with them.

… how nice it must be to have closeness, to have friends; not to mention intimacy and a genuine connection – I can’t even begin to imagine how that’s like. how it must be like to be in a safe, mutually loving environment, not in a toxic one. maybe because I can’t imagine it that’s why it doesn’t happen 🤷‍♀️, or maybe it doesn’t actually exist and other people just lie to themselves and others pretending it exists 🙆‍♀️.

But, anyway… I should focus on the things I can control, and embrace the fact that’s not meant for me, not in this life. This one is for learning and evolving, for challenges and tests, to what avail only God knows, cause I sure as fuck don’t.