What do you see?

What do you see when you look at this photo?

Do you also see the picture of desolation?

Or do you only see an average ‘pretty girl’?

Does the outfit and red lips make you think I broke so many hearts that night out?

I didn’t. Cause the world doesn’t work that way. The world runs on tightly neat groups held together by I don’t know what… it eludes me completely. That night out was actually approximately 10 years ago when that girl was so empty and alone as she is today.

… going out and trying to ‘fit in’, trying to ‘make friends’, trying to be a part of a society that runs by rules unknown to her. She has then, she is now, different capital, same continent, same emptiness. But no one cares, just like then.

When people walked by her without giving her a second thought, occupying space. That’s all she does. She occupies space…

… getting a drink while waiting for her ‘friend’. The only ‘friend’ she thought she had.

… a ‘friend’ that is today indifferent to her existence and has been for so many years when she suddenly slipped out of her life.

* one might be tempted to say: okay, but you need to maintain a friendship from both sides. I did my best, but I cannot force my friendship, my care and love upon people, apparently 🙄 so if I see they don’t want it, I step aside *

That photo 10 years ago is just like the ones she seldom takes these days. Still alone, still with ‘friends’ that will dissappear without a word, a reason or excuse.

She still wonders why she tries, why she even hopes when it’s clear it isn’t meant for her, this world was not meant for her, this existence was not meant for her. Why is she even here if her way of thinking, feeling and being doesn’t ‘fit the norm’, ‘isn’t right’, ‘it doesn’t belong’, if she just occupies space?

questions that will forever go unanswered. why.